This Journey called Adoption....

I did not plan on making the new news public yet, but I feel the need to share that, just as there is excitement and joy on this journey called Adoption, there is also a great amount of turmoil and grief..yes..grief.There is frustration and confusion and a lot of not knowing and uncertainty. There is so many emotions experienced at the same time, that it becomes overwhelming and you feel as though the next breath will be more suffocating than the last. Your vision becomes clouded and questions slam at you from all directions. From your own head, from your heart, from those around you. You ask questions like why? and pretend on the outside like everything is OK, when really in your heart there is a surging storm. The rain is pouring and the clouds are dark, 
This is the part of our journey, as we walk along the path where the storm breaks open the skies and the torrential rains fall down. We are at a fork in the road..and we have no idea where we are going.
We really have no idea where this journey is going. We were told that this journey is no longer going to have a final destination called Ethiopia. My heart is quite crushed. Where are my babies going to come from? 
We have 3 options, all of which are looking quite bleak at the moment. For those of you who may not yet know, I have Epilepsy. I have not had a seizure since Sept 8.2007, the day after Kai was born and I was rushed away to another hospital 3 hours away without my baby.(Not something I will ever forget) Because of my epilepsy, 2 of the countries want to know if I am capable of being a mom... So I made an appointment with my neurologist to get a letter, but the first available appointment wasn't till the first week of December. The other country wants to know how open we are to special needs children...
Until we get a letter from my doctor, our process has been put on hold... 
The only thing we cling to is God, and the promises he has spoken to us. He has called us to adopt, he has set us on this journey, and he is right beside us as we walk. I have fallen to my knees in anguish and asking God, "What in the world?" If not Africa God, then where?" Please tell me where. I cry out in desperation, searching for the answers....It is then, when I am still that He finally gets a chance to speak,
"My ways are not your ways. My timing is not your timing. I have created you in the palm of my hand, and cherish you like the most precious jewel that I have ever beheld. Do I not care for you more than the lilies of the fields and the birds of the air and the cattle on a thousand hills? You are my most beloved treasure. My ways are higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. I know the future. You do not. Fret not, but trust. Trust Me, Trust that I know exactly what I am doing, and where I am taking you."
My tears of frustration, and anguish, uncertainty and confusion have turned into tears of joy. I love my God, so very much. I praise Him and call Him Holy. He is Holy and Most Worthy to be praised. He is turned my sorrow into dancing and the sun is shining through the storm and chasing it away. 
I may not know which road I am taking yet, but I know that I am just going to sit here at the intersection and wait on Him. 
In the Bible, there is a story about a man name Lazarus. He was a dear friend to Jesus. By the time Jesus came to Bethany, Lazarus had been dead and buried for four days. The time span was significant to the Jews. Many Jews believed the soul remained near the body for 3 days after death in the hope of returning to it. If this idea was in the minds of the people, they obviously thought that all hope was gone-Lazarus was irrevocably dead. 
Waiting four days may have made Jesus late for a healing, but it made him right on time for a resurrection. Gods ways are not our ways, and His timing rarely coincides with our own. While God is never late, He is rarely early. That is why we must trust His schedule. 
Too often, we interpret God's delays as God's denials, but the story of Lazarus tells us that a delay in answer is not a sign of God's indifference or His failure to hear. It is a sign of His love. The delay will help us. It will make us stronger. We cannot put a period where God puts a comma. Just when you think the sentence is over, the most important part may be yet to come. 

The Lord will always lead you, satisfy you in a parched land, and strengthen your bones. You will be like a watered garden and like a spring whose waters never run dry. -Isaiah 58:11


1 comment:

  1. He says,
    “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10
    It is often hard to see what God's Plans are, but have faith
    that He is in control, even of paperwork.

    Love you, hope to see you soon.